David Adrian (galadrion) wrote,
David Adrian

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Random grousing

*Grff!* Another sleepless night. No, nothing's wrong... these just crop up every so often. My circadian seems to run on a longer cycle than normal - at one time, I had it tested, and it worked out to about a 31-hour "day". Just one of my many personal oddities... but one with an unfortunate side effect. I get steadily more and more out-of-whack with the clock, until I can get a chance to "reset" by staying up all night. Not too big a deal, usually, since I work a three-day-a-week/four-day-a-week schedule and can usually use one of the overnights on my "weekend"... but sometimes it turns around and bites me in the ass. Like tonight. Three a.m. I've been lying here in the dark for five hours now, waiting on sleep, and sleep seems to have slept in. And I have to report in to work in four more hours. Guess it's not going to happen.

Oh, well. It's a chance to do some other stuff, I guess - like update this journal. Yes, I've slipped back into my old, lax habits - so what else is new? So I'll rant and rave for a while, and call it even. Maybe I'll go out grocery shopping in a bit - or maybe not. It's gonna be four days before I eat anything at home, after all, and I've got plenty of peanut butter and raman noodles to last that long - and the next month and a half, at the rate I go through them. Thank havens the basic supplies I buy have expiration dates measured by half-life. I buy groceries for the cats more often than I do serious shopping for me. Of course, I'm not likely to try taking a bite out of them if I get hungry...

Been reading a rather eclectic mix of things, lately... that is, besides the material I choose to reread for various reasons. The new Spider Robinson book, Callahan's Con, was well worth the read - even though there were parts of it I really didn't want to see. My favorite series have taken a darker tone in their latest incarnations, it appears. Sirius Black - gone, far too soon. And while she's left the door open - no body, therefore no pulse to check - I really don't think Ms. Rowling is going to bring him back. Though Harry may well give it a shot - that possibility is far from closed, to my mind. And now Doc Webster has left the dance. Damn.

I also picked up The Da Vinci Code. I'm not far enough into it yet to know where it's going, but it looks good so far. A murder mystery involving the Louvre and Opus Dei - how could I not be interested? Plus Shambhala - a book I've been searching for off and on for several years now - and The Monk and the Philosopher. And Beau lent me The Sokal Hoax - an interesting affair, that. To my mind, it just goes to show that people working in the hard sciences have no business politicizing their work; it just opens the door to all sorts of nonsense which leads to the discrediting of science itself, and we're already sliding too far down that road for my taste.

Bah - the mood I'm showing is only part of the story, I'm afraid. I'm irritated over a number of things - my current sleeplessness only being a part of it, and exagerating the rest. I'm watching a few friends going through some rough times, and my ability to help them is strictily limited. The political scene -with very few exceptions - is still sliding down into the same pit that it's been doing for as long as I've been paying attention. And my writer's block is still going strong - I get ideas, sit down to work on them... and as soon as I do, motivation decamps for parts unknown. I'll go ahead and write anyway - I've gotten back into the habit, at least - but, well... This weekend just past was a prime example. More than 5,000 words written - and maybe 500 I can use. More than 95% of my "output" doesn't work with what I'm trying to do, has to go into the "maybe" file. I swear, that file has gotten unwieldy. Maybe I'd better plan on using next weekend to sit down and go through it, try to impose some order on it and trim out the inevitable duplicate items. *Sigh* Get it down under 100,000 words, if I can.

I don't know. I just don't know, any more, not about much of anything. Maybe it's just that I've been cooped up in the same routine for more than a year, now. I need to do something - break out and get away for a while. Maybe pull a Jake and head for the wilderness for a couple of days... except that's not an option, either, at the moment. Somewhere, I've picked up a cut on the sidewall of one of my tires, so that'll have to be replaced before I plan on driving anywhere. Take care of that next weekend, I guess, and then I can head for the hills the following weekend. Yeah, that sounds like a plan - as long as nothing else crops up. Spend a couple of days a long way away from anything, pulling my soul out of its place and examining it. Been too long since I did that - geez, how long has it been? I don't even know any more.

Well, it's now past 3:30, so I'll just go ahead and post this and spend a little while creatively doing nothing until it's time to shower and walk to work. I hope things go well this week. I could use an easy, no-brainer week to get my head and my act together. Maybe I should've taken the time this last weekend to do some semi-serious dr/thinking - Lord and Lady know, I need to do something to break this rut. Wish I'd thought of that two days ago, though - it's too late for that now, and I won't really get the opportunity during the workweek.

Blah. My mood's not improving. If anything, it's deteriorating. I need to do something. At the least, figure out what something may be.

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